Schadenfreudism

2004-01-24T23:14:00.000-08:00

It's a sad world indeed when we frown upon dogs driving. With so many citizens going overseas for jobs, somebody has to take over the vehicles...they can't drive themselves. And what's up with picking on bank robbers for bad grammar? Is that fair? Noooo, they have enough on their minds robbing and stealing without worrying about whether they want alot of

2004-01-24T22:43:00.000-08:00

The thing to note here is that this fiend has a pregnant wife. We keep hearing about these guys and almost all of them have a kid on the way. Coincidence? I think not. I think these men are being driven crazy by the evil embryo. Yes, it sits there are day in mommy's tummy...mocking him, making him feel useless...so he seeks out the comfort of little girls.

2004-01-24T22:23:00.000-08:00

Why is THE MAN always hassling law-abiding, god-fearing people? So, the woman carries her kid in an unconventional manner. Don't we all? I bring my daughter to school in a pickle barrel...and there's nothing wrong with that. Is there? Woman Headed for Exorcist with Son in Suitcase? BERLIN (Reuters) - German police have arrested a Croatian woman who was

2004-01-20T07:26:00.000-08:00

Finns miss death in tax office A tax office official in Finland who died at his desk went unnoticed by up to 30 colleagues for two days. The man in his 60s died last Tuesday while checking tax returns, but no-one realised he was dead until Thursday. The head of personnel at the office in the Finnish capital, Helsinki, said the man's closest colleagues had

2004-01-19T06:13:00.000-08:00

"To announce that there must be no criticism of the president, or that we are to stand by the president, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public." Theodore Roosevelt, 1918 (During WWI)

2004-01-16T11:44:00.000-08:00

Schadenfreudism is sponsored by Cock Soup. The soup that goes down so smooth. Now with MSG and Ganja.

2004-01-15T12:58:00.000-08:00

Brian Dunkleman "decides not to return" for 'American Idol 2,' opts to "pursue other opportunities" Variety reports that "American Idol" co-host and sometimes Coca-Cola pitchman Brian Dunkleman won't be part of the hit Fox reality show's second season. Dunkleman's reps had been talking to Fox and show producers 19 Entertainment and FremantleMedia about a

2004-01-15T11:34:00.000-08:00

Letterman's Top Ten Messages on Britney Spears' Answering Machine 10. "This is the printing company. Your wedding announcements are ready" 9. "Hey, it's Christina Aguilera, did you get married or did I?" 8. "It's the printing company. Your annulment announcements are ready" 7. "Rush Limbaugh here. I'd love to try whatever you were taking the other night."

2004-01-11T12:43:00.000-08:00

2004-01-10T09:23:00.000-08:00

Bitch, Air Makes You Fat Man says he’s addicted to cable; wants to sue Charter Cable TV made a West Bend man addicted to TV, caused his wife to be overweight and his kids to be lazy, he says. And he’s threatening to sue the cable company. Timothy Dumouchel of West Bend wants $5,000 or three computers, and a lifetime supply of free Internet service from

2003-12-11T12:13:00.000-08:00

oooooooooooh, my momma gonna kick...yo....ASS!! Knight Being Sued by Snoop Dogg's Mom LOS ANGELES - Snoop Dogg's mother and rapper Daz Dillinger's wife have sued Marion "Suge" Knight for allegedly slandering them in a song he produced. Beverly Green and Maria Watkins filed the lawsuit against the rap mogul Tuesday in Superior Court. They claim the song "

2003-12-10T10:35:00.001-08:00

I WILL MAKE YOU GAY NEW YORK - Carson Kressley, fashion sage on the cable TV show "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy," will write a book on men's fashion to be published by Dutton in fall 2004. The book, not yet titled, will feature Kressley's "inimitable trademark wit and fashion wisdom," and "will cover the simple sartorial staples of style — from ascots to

2003-12-10T10:35:00.000-08:00

WHITNEY DON'T LIKE IT ROUGH NO MO' ALPHARETTA, Ga. - Police considered Tuesday whether to pursue charges against singer Bobby Brown (news), after officers responded to a domestic abuse call by his wife Whitney Houston (news) at their home in this Atlanta suburb. Officers arrived at the couple's home Sunday evening and found Houston with a cut upper lip and a

2003-12-08T19:42:00.000-08:00

OH LORD, OOPS, MY BAD BERLIN (Reuters) - A German vicar inadvertently supplied his parish with dozens of hard core porn films in an unsuccessful bid to teach people about the life of Christ. Frithjof Schwesig, vicar in the southwestern town of Lampoldshausen, had ordered 300 copies of a video film portraying the life of Christ as told by the gospel according to

2003-12-07T17:12:00.000-08:00

Can the Paris, Hilton accommodate double occupancy?

2003-12-06T21:01:00.000-08:00

Jack Valenti Inching Closer To Hell Judge Deals Studios Defeat, Restores Movie 'Screeners': "Judge Deals Studios Defeat, Restores Movie 'Screeners' NEW YORK — A federal judge on Friday restored one of Hollywood's most cherished perks — the awards season movie 'screener' — as he dealt a sharp setback to the major motion picture studios and their chief lobbyist, Jack Valenti.

2003-12-06T18:27:00.000-08:00

Man accused of drinking and mowing like a damn fool WEST BEND, Wis. A man faces a year in jail for mowing under the influence. The mower mess began when Barry S. Davis, 44, was pulled over by Hartford police in August as he weaving down a street on his riding lawn mower. He was reportedly riding to a friend's house to get another beer. A breathalyzer test

2003-12-01T20:13:00.000-08:00

Women plagued by 200 orgasms a day Dozens of women are suffering from a condition that makes them have hundreds of orgasms every day. Researchers have identified the condition as persistent sexual arousal syndrome. American sufferer Jean Lund, 51, told The Sun that when she told her gynaecologist he said: "You're every man's dream." Office manager Jean

2003-12-01T18:43:00.000-08:00

Store in knots over catalogue's spoof contents More than 300,000 copies of a shop's Christmas catalogue may have to be withdrawn because it contains spoof items. Route One's catalogue, which usually features skateboards and streetwear, includes brown Y-fronts, a gent's pipe, handcuffs and an apple. Prankster James Appleby was behind the joke, which

2003-12-01T18:34:00.000-08:00

Priest urges youths to stop having sex in steeple A Romanian village priest has made an appeal to his young parishioners asking them to abstain from having sex in the church's steeple. Priest Cristian Teodorescu from Dabuleni, Dolj county, told Evenimentul Zilei: "When I come to the church, especially after the weekend, I cross myself to what I see. "There

2003-11-30T13:27:00.000-08:00

CHASING AMY...AT 90MPH Actress Joey Lauren Adams Arrested SAN DIEGO - Actress Joey Lauren Adams (news), who appeared in "Chasing Amy" and "Big Daddy," was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving, police said. Adams, 38, was later released on her own recognizance, the San Diego Union Tribune reported. Police said she was arrested early Friday after an

2003-11-28T09:32:00.001-08:00

HOT AND PISS FACED FOR TEACHER Teacher Arrested - Allegedly Drunk At School A Laurel County teacher is now suspended. Police say he was drunk at school. Students at the Bentley School says they noticed something strange about Mitchell Sizemore Monday. So the school called police. School resource officer Ryan Young, "We detected a strong odor of

2003-11-28T09:32:00.000-08:00

WHY I HATE SATURN Ku Klux Klan shoots itself in the head The Ku Klux Klan, the white supremacy group notorious for its lynchings of black people and those who favoured desegregation, has scored a spectacular own goal. One of its members has been critically injured after being struck by a bullet fired into the air during a Klan initiation ceremony. While the

2003-11-25T14:04:00.000-08:00

ROSIE PALMS Huh. I wonder. Would I call the cops if someone stole my pot? How about turning in my maid for stealing my jewels when I have a dead body in the closet? Well, those wacky German publishers, Gruner + Jahr, have learned a big lesson about making a big stink about something minor when you have bigger stinky fish in your basket. Hogan!!!

2003-11-25T13:28:00.000-08:00

I DREAM THE BODY DERELICT Who is this? Is it Grizzly Adams? The madman from I Know What You Did Last Summer? Your Uncle Larry who's not invited to your house anymore? Or could it be Mr. Glen Campbell?

2003-11-24T08:21:00.000-08:00

MOMMA LUVS HER MOONSHINE 'Witchblade' Star Charged in Fla. DELRAY BEACH, Fla. - Actress Yancy Butler (news), arrested earlier this year in a fracas at her uncle's home in Hauppauge, N.Y., was charged Saturday with disorderly intoxication after cars had to swerve to avoid hitting her as she wandered in and out of traffic, police said. Butler, who starred in

2003-11-23T12:14:00.000-08:00

DIARRHEA FLAVORED POPSICLE IS ON THE WAY Turkey & Gravy Soda on the Table for Thanksgiving SEATTLE (Reuters) - Thanksgiving dinner with all the fixings: cranberry sauce, stuffing and turkey gravy flavored soda. Yummy? In the latest food fad to emerge in the United States, Seattle specialty soda maker Jones Soda Co. scored a hit this week with the

2003-11-21T08:46:00.000-08:00

SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO BEAT SOME ASS, THEN RUN Rodriguez: Way 2 Fast 2 Furious from Yahoo news; Michelle Rodriguez's holiday plans go something like this: Trim tree, exchange gifts, appear in court. The Fast and the Furious star is expected in Los Angeles Superior Court on December 29 to face eight misdemeanor charges related to--we kid you not--her bad

2003-11-20T13:38:00.000-08:00

ODD, MY PORRIDGE IS TOO HOT These darn celebrities...they all have this money and fame and they're doing what they love and they're livin' the dream. They can butt ahead in line, they can date anyone they want, they don't have to look at the price of things...they've got it all (if they want it). As a celebrity whore country we forgive just about anything.

2003-11-19T22:20:00.000-08:00

Love it, despise it, THE FAMILY GUY was a rare gem of a show. It never really had much of an audience but FOX kept it on (off and on) for three seasons, that's longer than any other critically acclaimed but low-rated FOX show (Action, Millennium, The Tick, etc), so somebody there liked it. Now they want to bring it back thanks to a million sold DVD's. Hey, I

2003-11-19T16:55:00.000-08:00

I WANNA DANCE LIKE BABY BELUGA L.A. Council Retreating on Lap-Dance Ban Los Angeles City Council members backed down Tuesday from a showdown with strip club owners and said they would allow near-naked women to keep gyrating in men's laps, a lucrative form of adult entertainment known as lap dancing that the council had voted this fall to ban. The hasty

2003-11-19T08:26:00.000-08:00

NO TIME TO MAKE BIG TROUBLE FOR MOOSE AND SQUIRREL, MUST DRINK MOSCOW (Reuters) - A vodka-drinking competition in a southern Russian town ended in tragedy with the winner dead and several runners-up in intensive care. "The competition lasted 30, perhaps 40 minutes and the winner downed three half-liter bottles. He was taken home by taxi but died within 20 minutes,"

2003-11-18T09:59:00.000-08:00

I don't want to tell you this...but I fear that I must. I must. You know Kelly Ripa? Well, she wants to eat your children. No lie. Okay, it is a lie. Sue me. Wait, don't sue me. Meanwhlile, bloated windbag Rush Limbaugh returns to the airwaves all cured of that pesky drug habit of his. What does this mean for the lovely Kelly Ripa? What does it mean for that

2003-11-17T11:55:00.000-08:00

So, as I sit here eating my Haggis (from Scotland) and my live scorpions (from Japan), I'm left pondering why it's not a good thing to eat British food. Sure, it's bland, ill-prepared, and without any socially redeeming values...but I figure the real reason is the booty juice. Apparently it's a new culinary custom to sit in one's breakfast before serving it. Well

2003-11-16T00:13:00.000-08:00

Who's got short shorts? They've got short shorts. Just as God intended. Hey, I eat you, you eat me? Sound like a plan, jerky?

2003-11-14T08:47:00.000-08:00

Is the Hamburglar on the loose or something? Who's stealing and releasing all this hidden stuff? Geez. Who knew Jessica Lynch had tits or Larry Flynt had a fine line? The Barbi twins having sex with other...okay, that's not odd given their self absorption, the odd part is one of them (I think the cute one) is still married to that loser Ken Wahl. Has Ken Wahl actually had a gig since 1987?

2003-11-14T08:24:00.000-08:00

Has the world gone mad? Let's all get together and beat the ass of that no talent Spike Lee who has made it more popular than ever to file absurd lawsuits. Arrested Development are has-beens that have the audacity to think they claim exclusive rights to a common name. Who do they think they are, FOX? I think Gigli would be a better thing to sue JLo over. Hey, old man, aren't you over 20

2003-11-14T07:48:00.000-08:00

What's up with Christopher Reeve? The man's gone bald...it's a bit late to be all hip and shit, Mr. Reeve. Or maybe he's turned evil...maybe he's become a Lex Luthor type as SouthPark predicted. Anyhow, apparently he has found a way to breathe easier. We can all rest easy now. Hey, how about some cool and refreshing sex cola?

2003-11-13T19:01:00.000-08:00

Clearly some judges have too much time on their hands. God loves a good martyr....or was it sacrificial lamb? Hey, judge, let me know how that works out for ya. Speaking of Love, what of the love that dare not speak it's name? Of course, we can only mean Ms. Courtney Love. She says that she's not on drugs. Well, then that just leaves crazy, I guess.

2003-11-13T15:24:00.000-08:00

Smiles, everyone, smiles. Welcome to the first step (of 19) toward Oblivion. Ahhh, it feels good to be back upon the world of the web. It's been too long...ever since....the incident. But we won't talk about that. No...Cher has forgotten all about it, so why not we? In the meantime as I get reacquainted with html and such enjoy our old friend Eugene. The 12th (or is it 15th) annual TV Dead